you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
