yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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