im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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