I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
