need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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