were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
