i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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