I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
