I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
