if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
