Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
