I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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