I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
