just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
