Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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