Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
