Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
