First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
