About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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