Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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