When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
