I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
