I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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