you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
