hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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