Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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