fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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