He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
