She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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