hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
