hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
