when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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