She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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