Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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