I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
