I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
