He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
