i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
