I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
