I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
