just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
