Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
