did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
