Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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