I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
operation harelip BJ is a go
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
