Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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