Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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