if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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