his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
