well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
