perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
