GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
