We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
