threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
