So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
